Porcupine holds 5 men hostage

WANTED FOR HOLDING 5 MEN HOSTAGE AT A CABIN RETREAT IN THE PENNSYLVANIA MOUNTAINS BETWEEN CLEARROCK AND DENVERTON JUST OFF ROUTE 80. THIS MONSTER HELD ALL 5 MEN HOSTAGE FROM 11:00 PM TILL 5:00 AM THE NIGHT OF MAY 15 2007. ONE OF THE HOSTAGES WAS ALMOST QUILLED WHEN HE ATTEMPTED TO EXIT THE CABIN TO RELIEVE HIMSELF BUT QUICKLY MADE IT BACK SAFELY INSIDE. BELOW ARE HIS TRAITS, READ CAREFULLY!

Tracks - The tracks of the porcupine are easily distinguished with pigeon-toed prints and a trough formed by the dragging of their feet between. The tail quills leave a pattern on the ground between these prints which closely resemble the marks of a corn broom on dirt. An oval shaped print with marks ahead from the long claws is characteristic.
Straddle: 18 - 25 cm (7.2 - 10 in)
Stride: 12 - 16 cm (4.8 - 6.4 in)
Track: Front - 6 cm (2.4 in) long / 4 cm (1.6 in) wide
Track: Rear - 10 cm (4 in) long / 4 cm (1.6 in) wide

DO NOT HARM, JUST CALL 555-555-5555 AND WE’LL RELOCATE THE BUGGER BACK TO CANADA.